As workplaces across Australia encourage their employees to work from home, it’s important to take a moment to consider the impact this could have on mental health.

Amid the surge in Australian coronavirus cases, health authorities have advised we practice social distancing in order ‘flatten the curve’ and slow the rate of transmission, and this has led to more people working from home as companies take initiative to curb the spread.

As such, those who are in a position to work from home are being strongly urged to do so.

Acting in accordance with the advice of health authorities is no doubt the most responsible thing to do right now. But in doing so, we need to be aware of the toll working from home and social distancing can take on our mental health.

To help maintain good mental health in these complicated times, 10 daily reached out to a experts Julie Sweet and Amanda Gordon for their advice.

According the clinical counsellor and psychotherapist Julie Sweet, the psychological impact of working from home will vary widely from person to person.

“For some people the psychological impact upon their mental health can be detrimental and extremely frightening to the individual. For others, the impact can be minor,” Sweet told 10 daily.

The psychotherapist explained that the mental health risks of working from home for two or more works increase greatly for the more vulnerable members of our society.

“Even though the psychological impact is understandable, some cohorts and population groups are susceptible to being more vulnerable than others when it comes to the enormity of the impact they sustain.”

Sweet continued, “People who are isolated or who lack connectivity in their lives or who already suffer from a preexisting condition or predisposition to depression or anxiety or even PTSD, can be at greater risk.”

Amanda Gordon, clinical psychologist and director of Armchair Psychology, adds that those who live alone are most likely to experience feelings of isolation while working from home.

“There are some people for whom their real social connection is through their workplace. That’s perfectly reasonable and legitimate. But it does mean if you don’t have your workplace, you risk social isolation,” Gordon told 10 daily.

She explains that even if time with your coworkers is vital for your mental health, there are a number of ways you can manage that while working from home.

No matter your situation and background, it’s important to stay as physically and mentally healthy as possible during this complicated process. The experts recommend you try implementing the following tips:

Maintain contact with friends and co-workers

Gordon recommends a number of ways to stay social and interactive with your friends and co-workers beyond the office.

“Don’t just text or email your colleagues, have telephone conversations with them. Perhaps even organise lunch breaks with them or FaceTime them, rather than just texting when it’s a ‘work thing’,” she said.

Beyond the important friendships and social stimulation we can experience when keeping in contact with our co-workers, it’s also very important to keep them in the loop with your workload.

Gordon believes that an effective way to battle feelings of isolation is to stay as stimulated and productive as possible. But also outlines that on the flip side, we need to be confident in communicating to our co-workers when we’re feeling overwhelmed.

“If you’re at home, you don’t have that ease to say ‘I’m overloaded, this is too much for me, can I hand it over?’,” she said.

You have to take responsibility for yourself and stay in contact with your manager.

“If you’re the manager, stay in touch with your team and ensure that they’re okay. Talk to them and check out how they are, say hello — don’t just check out how their project is going.”

Communicate openly and externalise your feelings

For Sweet, speaking up about your mental health is paramount.

“Share your fears with someone, anyone, from a trusted co-worker, to your closest friend, to your partner, or a professional. A burden shared becomes a lighter load to carry, so vulnerability is crucial when a momentary and fleeting feeling, becomes ongoing and chronic,” she said.

Sweet explained that a change in environment, like suddenly working from home, can activate an array of emotions.

It’s healthy to talk about it and to externalise our feelings. Basically, get out what lies within.

“It’s positive to identify the feeling and express it, giving a name to it.”

Sweet continued, “this may seem basic communication 101, though some can shut down in crisis and can feel flooded, creating them to become immobilised. Self awareness, insight and self care is paramount so needs can be met. Even more so when people transition from a collective team backdrop at work, to working from home often autonomously.”

Exercise regularly

According to Gordon, “the best protector of mental health is exercise.”

She explained, “often we get our exercise before we go to work or when we come home. And if you’re not going out to work, you might forget to take that time to yourself to exercise.”

If you are in quarantine, the clinical psychologist said that you must exercise in your home. But if you are working from home just to take precautions, there are a number of ways you can keep up your fitness.

“Get out and about and go for a run or jog or walk. Even see if a friend can work with you. Even though you’ll be apart a safe distance, you’re one and a half metres from each other, you can still exercise.”

Recognise the signs and seek clinical support quickly

Whether you take on the above recommendations or not, poor mental health can still affect anyone. This is why Julie Sweet stresses the importance of seeking clinical support, “whether it’s counselling, or psychotherapy, [it] can be hugely beneficial for many, as they navigate these new uncharted waters.”

By staying hyper aware of your own mental health and recognising your triggers, you can tackle the problem in its early stages.

“Early intervention is vital and it’s encouraged that the moment people feel charged, triggered, increased anxiety or panic, its in their best interest to contact professional healthcare and psychological supports services immediately,” said Sweet.

Amanda Gordon is a clinical Psychologist at Armchair Psychology, located in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs. If you would like to speak to Amanda or one of our team, please reach out for tips on coping with the pressures of working from home.

The post How To Look After Your Mental Health If You’re Working From Home appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/how-to-look-after-your-mental-health-if-youre-working-from-home/

Secrecy and shame around periods is slowly being phased out as more women talk openly about their menstrual cycle.

Read this article on Body+Soul.

Our clinical psychologist, Amanda Gordon says “There was a terrible time when people didn’t tell their partner they were menstruating because they were embarrassed, it’s much healthier to talk about what your body is going through.”

“Culturally, not everyone thinks it should be a public thing knowing that someone is menstruating, but at the same time it shouldn’t be stigmatised because it’s part of being a woman,” she said.

“Not everyone is so comfortable talking about it, in the same way they don’t really want to talk about their bowel movements either.”

“There’s a difference between stigma and making things public. There can still be some things that are private but you shouldn’t feel stigma or shame around them.”

The post Why we need to banish period stigma appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/why-we-need-to-banish-period-stigma/

A single dad has asked for advice about his teenage daughter who is stressed about his welfare when she moves out to go to university.

He asks if he has “gone about this in the wrong way” by saying everything is just fine and joking with her that he “can’t wait to hear what peace and quiet sounds like,” after she leaves.

He has done everything he can think of  to soothe her anxiety, relating the situation to Redditors recently.

“I have been a single father since she was three. She’s 17 right now and in her senior year. I’m not married and I don’t date much. This combined with her going to to college in [autumn], somewhere, has her convinced I’m going to be horribly depressed, alone, and my life will take a nosedive,” the dad writes.

Despite his best assurances, she isn’t convinced.

“I’ve assured her otherwise. It doesn’t work, and she’s putting herself in this box of feeling that she needs to stay very close to home, and visit every weekend.”

He continues, “I’ve reiterated that I’ll be fine, I’m not sick, I’m fine, and she should do and go wherever she wants.”

He stresses that “It’s just this dynamic where, I’m the reason she’s holding herself back, but I’m telling her constantly to not allow my situation to hold her back. It’s very sweet of her to think about her situation as it relates to me, but, I’d be just fine, even if we weren’t a 45 minute drive apart.”

“I can’t think of anything I’ve said or done that would give her the impression that I’m headed for some disaster if she leaves. If anything, jokingly, I’ve said the opposite.” How many more days until you leave? Hot tub goes in the day after.” “Can’t wait to hear what peace and quiet sounds like,” he explains, before asking, “Have I gone about this in the wrong way? I just want her to be happy.”

While there is no information given about the mother of his child, Sydney Clinical Psychologist Amanda Gordon suspects there are some abandonment issues at play.

“Mum doesn’t seem to be on the scene so if she hasn’t been in her life for some time, or is only very peripheral or inattentive, then she’s grown up with a sense of feeling abandoned by a parent. If that’s the case then she could have the fear that she is abandoning her father, or that he will somehow disappear from her life.”

Ms Gordon also says that the single father needs to live his life to the full so she can see he’s okay without her around.

“This dad has let his daughter know that he will be safe and well and it’s going to be the way he lives his life from here that shows her that.”

She adds, “I wonder if he has been so careful to curate his life for her that she doesn’t know about the ups and downs. Parents should share the good and the bad in life with their kids when they’re older so they can see it’s not all wonderful, and that we all go through things we eventually overcome.”

“If he’s always said ‘everything is wonderful in my life’ and she knows it’s not true, then that makes things very complicated for her to then leave.”

“It’s perfectly reasonable that she sees she has some commitment to him and she knows he will communicate how he’s going. This makes it safe for her to go off and live her life.”

In terms of strategies to ease her anxiety, Ms Gordon says dad is on the right track. He is “challenging her theories about dad and his resilience – called ‘Cognitive Challenging’ – and examining whether they are rational thoughts or not.”

She also stresses that talking about communication is key to easing this kind of stress, such as how often they would stay in touch, that she can call him anytime and that getting used to a ‘new normal’ once she moved, is all part of life.

Redditors chimed in with their thoughts.

“I’m wondering if part of this is her being afraid to leave you herself. She could be afraid of branching off on her own, and is saying she’s worried about you as an excuse,” says one person.

Another writes that communication is key, to which the dad responds, “I fully intend, once she’s in [university], to call her up every few days. Although, something tells me she’ll call me first.”

And one says it’s a learning opportunity for her.

“This is a great opportunity to teach her a valuable lesson. She seems to think that because you don’t have a significant other that equates to you being lonely. Teach her what my mum and dad taught me before they passed and before I met my wife. “Having a significant other is not the end all or be all to leading a fulfilling, happy life.”

The post Single dad says teen daughter is stressed about leaving him to go to uni appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/single-dad-says-teen-daughter-is-stressed-about-leaving-him/

It has been an unusual and worrying start to the year to say the least. As we begin 2020, we are more aware than ever throughout Australia of the impact of our environment on our ability to feel safe, healthy and motivated.

For many of us, it’s the constant smoke haze, the smell of fires – even the waking at night to make sure nothing has caught fire, as the smell of burning is so strong. And that’s just for city dwellers.

For those living outside the big cities, in bushfire-prone areas, adjacent to areas that have been devastated or for those who have lost their homes, it’s been impossible or hard to sleep at all.

Right now there is more stress and anxiety surrounding us than most of us have ever experienced.

It’s hard to find opportunities in our days to forget the reality of so much of our country being on fire. Hot days and the potential risk of bushfires can be a time of increased anxiety for many people. Children are also vulnerable, and the increased media coverage and discussion in the community, schools and at home about the fires can raise their alarm.

Bushfire appeals are dominating social media – as are photos of fire-ravaged houses, land, bush, wildlife. Of course, the tragedy of loss of life at this time, in our lucky country, is heartbreaking for us all – especially the deaths of those who were gallantly fighting the blazes.

As adults, we have had some reality checks to help us. We gauge the strength of the smoke and determine whether a trip outside is safe. We listen to the radio for warnings and have a plan to support our escape if that’s what we need to do. But we are still made anxious by the news and social media reports, even though we know how safe we actually are.

As we talk to each other, we are more likely to exclaim at the awfulness of it and increase each other’s anxiety and distress, rather than calm each other down.

That’s the adults – what about the children?

Although children can show remarkable resilience, they can also be very vulnerable to trauma in highly stressful situations. And right now, it is a highly stressful situation.

If you are living in a place where there are actual fires, or have had to evacuate, the children will have picked up on your anxieties as well. There is no doubt that the best way to enhance children’s ability to cope is to help them have a sense of safety and security, and to assist them to feel more in control of their fears. So, sharing with them that you know what is going on and have a plan to look after them and keep them safe, regardless of circumstance, is vital.

Although children sometimes appear to cope well during an emergency, they may be distressed much later. Some children are likely to feel more anxious and stressed than others in the face of a bushfire threat. Cuddling, holding and plenty of affection helps to comfort and reassure these kids.

Talking to them about what is going on and what the adults are doing to make things safe will help to give children a sense of security and closeness. Be aware that they will know if you are still frightened, so don’t just pretend that everything is fine when it’s not. It’s better to let them know that, although you are scared (or sad, or traumatised), you will do whatever needs to be done to make things alright again, and that they are not forgotten.

Older children may react with anger and blame (at parents or others for not keeping them safer), distrust or hopelessness, or may become rebellious or withdrawn. These are common reactions and adults can best deal with them by being patient and understanding while continuing to explain what is happening to keep everyone safe.

Then there are the Australian children who are experiencing anxiety about bushfires, or other threats, but may not be directly at risk.

There are several ways in which parents and carers can help children be aware of the threats, but also reassure them that they are safe and secure:

• Monitor their media exposure. Limit it, or watch the news with them. Being able to talk about what they are watching or hearing can greatly reduce their distress.
• Listen to understand how children are feeling and thinking. Encourage them to talk, but don’t force them. Help them to recognise and put words to their feelings. Let them know it’s normal to feel this way.
• Provide children with opportunities to express their feelings about bad weather or frightening things.
• Provide truthful but simple and thoughtful explanations. Give your child your full attention when answering their questions. Help them to develop realistic thinking about weather events.
• Be aware of how you talk in the presence of children. Children can distort what they hear or see especially when information is received through indirect communication, like overheard adult conversations about worrying things.
• Involve your children in some sort of conservation effort, as simple as helping collect household water for the garden or donation efforts so that they feel they are part of helping the problem.
• Pay attention to your own reactions. Stay calm and show children how you manage your own emotions. This helps to show children that potentially distressing events can be dealt with.

The goal for 2020 is rain. We can’t make that happen. But we can each move towards the protection of the planet, so that we all know we are not helpless in creating a future for ourselves and our children.

Help your children to think about the environment in the way they use water, choose reusable bottles and cups, and turn off the lights when they leave the room. Remember that every little thing we do is making an impact for our future.

Let’s hold our planet close, as we care for ourselves and each other.

The post 7 ways to help kids deal with the anxiety and fear around bush-fires appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/help-kids-deal-with-the-anxiety-and-fear/

It’s time we talked about maternal deaths by suicide.

We need to talk about why new mothers are at risk of suicide, so that we can help prevent it.

Why is the perinatal period important?

“It’s a very vulnerable time for women. Their hormones are changing significantly and any shift in hormones will cause vulnerability to mood,” clinical and health psychologist Amanda Gordon, director at Armchair Psychology, told bodyandsoul.

“It’s also a time when women can feel very alone, feel that it’s all on them. Often, their partner is also struggling with changes in his life and becomes less rather than more accessible and sometimes there are financial burdens, which can also make her feel more fragile.

“Often, there is a shift in a woman’s relationship with her own mum. It changes as she moves from being just a daughter to a daughter and a mother herself. It’s not always an easy transition, it’s quite complex and that can make the new mother very vulnerable.”

Breaking through the stigma

Gordon said there is a big difference between the baby blues and depression.

“The baby blues is very common, it happens to many women on the second or third day after they give birth and it’s attributed to a dip in hormones. All women experience it and most tend to kick through it. It’s not a sustained feeling of feeling miserable day after day,” she said.

“If it’s sustained over time, it almost become a self-fulfilling prophecy and things continue to go wrong. Sleep disorders, lack of social engagements and lack of physical activity are all affected after having a baby and these contribute to risk factors for depression.”

If these feelings continue for weeks, not months, it’s time to seek help.

Why aren’t we talking about it?

Professor of biostatistics and epidemiology at George Mason University Panagiota Kitsantas, Ph.D., said the definition of maternal mortality doesn’t include suicide.

“Currently, the process of identifying and correctly classifying maternal deaths due to self-harm is minimal to non-existent,” she told Instyle.

“The lack of research studies in this field and funding resources, as well as the fact that suicide has been excluded from the definition of maternal mortality have turned maternal deaths by suicide into an unrecognized public health issue. This is sad given that it is a preventable outcome.”

Gordon believes society doesn’t talk about suicide generally. And then there’s the additional stigma of a new mum choosing to end her life when society tells her she has so much to live for.

“Maternal suicide is not meant to fit with our cultural norms and there is enormous stigma,” Gordon said.

“I’m part of the Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Association, an organization that provides pre and neonatal depression support because we have certainly been aware of the risks to a new mother but people don’t want to talk about it.

“It’s scary enough to have a new baby and all the responsibility that goes with that.”

How to help new mums cope

“It may be she (a new mum) is coping in terms of feeding the baby and tidying the house as a way of controlling her emotions, we need to let her know what she’s going through is normal and reasonable,” Gordon said.

“Normalising that idea of getting support in the early stages takes away the stigma of her saying she’s not coping. A new mother is coping if the baby is growing and doing well, the not coping is in you. We want you to feel happier and better in yourself.”

If you can relate to this article and would like to speak to someone, please reach out to one of our experienced psychologist’s.

The post The greatest risk to a new mums life is themselves appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/the-greatest-risk-to-a-new-mums-life-is-themselves/

The world is experiencing spectator anxiety…

Check out the Mamamia article here 

At this time of year where workplace closure and Christmas chores collide, it can be a period of added workload and strain. As though your mind is an elastic band, already stretched to its breaking point, ready to snap with just one more pull.

“They know there is a break coming,” Amanda Gordon, an Associate Professor and Director at Armchair Psychology, tells Mamamia, “but there’s a lot of pressure on people to complete everything before the year has ended and it feels like such a long way away until it actually stops.”

Burnout is a real syndrome, recognised in May this year by the World Health Organisation who labelled it as an “occupational phenomenon” caused by chronic stress in the workplace.

So, how do you know if you’re actually suffering from this end of year burnout?

Psychologist Amanda Gordon has shared the symptoms and signs along with ways to manage until your holiday arrives.
The signs and symptoms of burnout.

According to Gordon, emotional symptoms include irritability, feeling miserable, easy tearfulness, sleep disturbance and nightmares. As for physical symptoms, Gordon explains the main sign is exhaustion, as well headaches, aches and pains. Plus, Gordon adds: “If you’re choosing to have alcohol to calm down at the end of the day, it’s always dangerous.”

Listen: How to know if you’re suffering from burnout.

So, what can you do about feeling burnt out?

“Treat yourself as though you are recovering from a physical illness,” the psychologist tells Mamamia.

“Eat well, get as much sleep as you can and try to pace yourself as much as you can at work.”

Gordon adds that taking proper breaks during the workday for lunch, having decaffeinated drinks and, if you can, ending your day at a reasonable time are all ways to manage the feeling of burnout while still doing your job.

“Go home smiling.”

How to recover from burnout once you’re on holidays.

“It takes time to recover,” Gordon says. “You’re not going to feel better in a day.”

“You really need to take time out for yourself so you can care for yourself,” she says, adding that diet and doing “gentle” exercise are important methods of self-care, as well as spending time with friends and family.”

“One of the most important things to do is turn off your email when you go home. When you’re on holidays, don’t look at your email, monitor your phone calls and only take the personal and social ones.

“If you’re actually on leave, then be on leave. Then you’ll really have a break and you’ll go back to work refreshed, instead of remaining exhausted.

“Have a proper distinction between work and home.”

How to prevent burnout next year.

“Recognise that work is part of your life, but not your full life,” Gordon says.

“But also, once you achieve something, give yourself a pat on the back and make sure you stop and breathe.

“It’s the way you pace yourself that is so very important; set yourself legitimate daily goals and cross them off as you achieve them.

Gordon also cites a certain trend in Australia that can be detrimental.

“There is this habit in Australia – which is not necessarily the healthiest one – to take no break at all for 11 months and then have four weeks off at the end,” she explains.

“I think there’s something to be said for splitting up your holiday. We are blessed in Australia with a reasonable amount of holiday for the year, and if people were to use it to have a few long weekends along the way, or a week off in the middle of the year, they’d probably do a whole lot better, even if they only get three weeks at the end of the year.”

Who is most at risk of burnout?.

Burnout does not discriminate in who it affects.

Gordon mentions parents in particular can suffer from end-of-year burnout when they have the added load of school concerts, prize-giving ceremonies, and arranging childcare for when schools close.

On top of this, Gordon explains, the alcohol that often comes with end of year celebrations only adds to the exhaustion.

“People, especially in the big cities in Australia, feel under immense pressure much more of the time now, so just adding that tiny little bit extra can be enough to make them feel like they’re tipping over.”

What’s clear is that being aware of your burnout is the first step, of what sometimes can feel like an endpoint.

Amanda Gordon is a psychologist and the Director at Armchair Psychology, located in Sydney’s Eastern suburbs. To book an appointment with Amanda or one of our other psychologists contact us.

The post Spectator Anxiety appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/spectator_anxiety/

It’s February, and Valentine’s Day has rolled around again.  Time for the newly in love to celebrate their excitement and joy, the long-term committed to work on the passion and the sentiment – and those either without partners or in loveless relationships to bemoan their state and look enviously at those who seem to have it all. 

The time I remember Valentine’s Day being exciting was as a teenager, waiting for the anonymous cards, either humorous or passionate, where the number received was at least as important as the individual card. It was with trepidation that cards were opened, as the messages were not always kind and the perpetrator not always identifiable.  It was our big day of “social media”, before the coin was termed or the potential damage acknowledged. Valentine’s Day still plays that role, as so often the receipt (or not) of flowers and gifts is done publicly, revealing who has the most “likes” and who is just alone. Who needs Facebook or Instagram, when the flowers and cards on the desks of some lead others to be acutely aware of their lack of likes for the day? 

If you do “like” someone, and want it to be more than just that – want them to know that the feeling is more personal and that they have meaning in your life – perhaps something more than the card and/or flowers is needed.  Certainly, at some point you are going to have to discard the anonymity of being someone’s Valentine and try to make a truer connection. Valentine’s Day can be the reminder that it is important to show your beloved that you really love them but it is not a good policy to make it the only time in the year that you do that. Use it, in February, to plan the way you will express your loving feelings and gratitude to have your beloved in your life, all year. 

Many people go out for a romantic meal on Valentine’s Day, or perhaps dim the lights, light candles and play soft music instead of staring at a screen over dinner at home. You could plot out the days in the calendar over the year, when you could have a screen-free, focused on each other and relationship, meal.  Perhaps one night each week, fortnight or month? Just a time to connect and ensure you each know that you are working on caring for each other. 

On Valentine’s Day, we often surprise our beloved with a gift.  There may be other occasions in the year, unrelated to a particular occasion, when we can also do this and enjoy the look of delight on the other’s face. 

There may even be opportunities on a daily basis to reflect on the message of “Saint Valentine” – attempt to show your partner, your mate, your team member, that your feelings are romantic and caring and that you admire them.  Be opportunistic – look for times when you can actively listen and respond, when you can anticipate and meet their needs, when you can ease the stress and make the day better.  In good enough relationships, that survive the tough times and move through to share the joys, we know we have each other’s backs.  Our confidence in each other is bolstered through the little things we do for each other – not just on one day of the year but whenever we create the moments to remember and hold on to.   

I like to think of it as money in the bank – show each other how important the relationship is when it is easy to do so and it will make it easier to stand by each other when times get harder. Each time you deposit a kind word, a special action, a smile, a loving touch, you build up each other’s resilience to stand firm in the tough times.  It builds a sort of knowing – that “I am there for you and you are there for me, and together we can face anything”. 

Thanks, St Valentine, for providing a one-day reminder to show love.  Let’s create those shows of love throughout the days of 2020. 

The post Valentine’s Day, Real Sentiment and Social Media appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/valentines-day-real-sentiment-and-social-media/

Most of us would probably think a $200,000-a-year salary was more than enough to live a comfortable – if not downright luxurious – life.

Amanda Gordon is a psychologist and the Director at Armchair Psychology, located in Sydney’s Eastern suburbs. To book an appointment with Amanda or one of our other psychologists contact us.

The post Survey reveals scores of high income earners think they need more money to be ‘comfortable’ appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/high-income-earners-think-they-need-more-money/

“Oh, how I wish to be thin. To look better in the clothes that I am in. To be a size six instead of a ten.”

That is a portion of a poem that I wrote in high school. During that time, I was the captain of the cheerleading team, an A+ student, and I was competing in beauty pageants. My size was everything to me.

As a result, I have been on some form of a diet to lose weight since I was about 13 years old, and this poem reflected my thoughts about my health and weight.

From using diet pills to suppress my appetite, to my brief stint with purging, I over-exercised, counted calories, and drastically reduced my calorie intake (at one point I was only eating 1000 calories a day). I ate a vegan diet for 10 years, didn’t eat after 8pm, reduced carbs, tried giving up sugar.

The list goes on — all in an attempt to lose weight, to take up less space, to be an acceptable size for a woman in this culture. I have never appreciated the size I was and was always seeking to be smaller. I didn’t really think about my actual health as much as I cared about the number on my clothes tag.

As an adult, the way to lose weight among my friends and family has become all about weight loss challenges. Every January and at the start of every summer, my social media timeline is flooded with weight loss challenges.

“Lose weight to win money!” “Lose weight to earn money!” “Get beach body ready!” “Get your revenge body!”

Although these challenges seem like they would be fun and supportive, what I don’t like about them is that their sole focus (just like the diet industry) is on weight as a marker for health. There is an assumption in our culture that fat is automatically unhealthy and thin is automatically healthy.

We don’t take into account things like genetics and ethnicity. We don’t ask how many push-ups a person can do or how fast someone can run. We don’t see people’s blood work or stress tests results. We don’t know how well people are sleeping or how their mental health is doing. We just see weight and automatically divide people into healthy or unhealthy, good bodies or bad bodies.

To my friends and family: Please, stop asking me to join your fitness weight loss challenge.

Although I am currently at the largest size I’ve ever been (including when I was pregnant), I am EXHAUSTED, and I am done having my focus be solely on losing weight. I am done feeling like a bad person because the number on the scale is higher than it was a year ago.

Instead, I have started to focus on my overall health and other types of fitness goals. I started taking pole dancing classes because, as easy as pole dancers make those tricks seem, they are hard. They take more physical strength than I sometimes think I’ll ever have. Pole classes push me to work on my flexibility and balance which is essential because as we get older, people end up breaking hips because they trip and can’t catch their balance or they have lost the mobility in their hips.

These classes have also helped my body-confidence because they focus on strength and progress, not my size. We never talk about shedding weight, but we do shed clothes. There are people of all sizes and ages in each class. They strut around in tight booty shorts and sports bras without a care in the world, and as a result, I have started to focus on and appreciate the things that my body can do and not just how it looks.

I have also started to actively edit the messaging that I receive from my environment about weight. I have intentionally stopped talking to my friends and family about weight, and if it comes up (as it often does) I change the subject or just smile, nod my head, and not contribute to the conversation. I have also actively worked on eliminating the negative self-talk I used to regularly participate in — about not only my body but other women as well. I have edited my social media accounts so that I no longer see accounts that make me feel bad about my body, and I have started following people of all different sizes.

Today I am focusing on my overall health, not the number on the scale. I am focusing on deepening my relationships with my friends and family, on taking care of my financial and mental health, on eating great tasting food. And my goals are centred on moving my body daily and pushing it to walk farther, run faster, stretch deeper, on trying new things and seeing new places.

I don’t want to compete to take up less space. I want to grow, light up, and affect others positively, which can happen at any size.

Amanda Gordon is a psychologist and the Director at Armchair Psychology, located in Sydney’s Eastern suburbs. To book an appointment with Amanda or one of our other psychologists contact us.

The post “To my friends and family: Please, stop asking me to join your weight loss challenge.” appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/weight-loss-challenges/