Grief- it’s a universal experience that tests our mental health in ways we never could have imagined. If you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one yourself, you know how hard it can be to bounce back into living a normal life. We often lean on family or friends for support, and often they are vital to help us on the first steps to recovery. On the flip side, as a friend supporting someone grieving, it’s hard to know what to do or say. It can be hard to know whether to celebrate the life of the loved one or help them to move on in their own time. It is a long road, but here are 6 ways you can start to help someone through the grief process.

1. Ask and Listen

First and foremost, it’s important to get a gauge of how they are feeling about their loss. Instead of starting with “How are you?”, think of reframing the question into something like, “How are you feeling today?”. This turns the conversation away from a casual greeting, into an acknowledgement of their loss and the resulting impact on their mood and feeling. Allow the grieving person to express their feelings in whatever way they need. 

2. Avoid giving advice or comparing it to your own experience. 

It’s hard to know what to say to make them feel better. You might be tempted to put a positive spin on the situation or offer your own advice in order to make them feel better, but this may lead to doubt that you recognise the gravity of the situation. It’s often better to listen and let them know you recognise how great  a loss this must be for them, and how painful the situation is. 

3. Offer to help out

A grieving person will often feel unable to complete small, daily tasks and a great way to show your support is to offer to help out with anything they need. This may include cleaning the house, helping with grocery shopping, cooking some meals, going for a walk with them. Little things like this let them know they have people in their life that love and support them, and even if they refuse, it still lets them know you are here for them. 

4. Be patient

Grief is a personal journey that differs for everyone. It may take weeks, months or years to fully move on from loss, so it’s vital that as a support person that you are patient. A grieving person may not know what will help them right now, so try to offer support in many different ways, and at different times. Don’t be pushy, but understand they may have changed their mind and are embarrassed to admit they need help. 

5. Share memories you have of their loved one

Sharing stories and memories of their loved one will of course be bitter-sweet.  In some ways, it is the best thing you can do for the grieving person.  The two of you can smile and laugh and cry together, remembering the good and the humorous and the bad – because the person who died lived a whole life, and all of it has to be grieved.  Your memories will add to the memories of the mourner, and she will see her beloved in a different light.  That’s not bad at all. Celebrate who they were as a person and how much they meant to the people around them.

 Don’t be scared to talk with your friend, or let her talk, as you keep the loved one alive.

6. Keep in touch

As mentioned, the grief process can vary for everyone, so make sure to keep in touch, even if it seems like they have moved on. Even months or years later, ask them how they are feeling about the situation now, and things they have reflected on. Always reiterate that they can open up to you, no matter how long it has been since they lost their loved one.

These tips provide a starting platform to help those you know who are grieving with guidance and support that they need. If you feel that your grieving friend may benefit from further counselling for dealing with the loss of a loved one, or if you notice that they are slipping into unhealthy behaviours towards a constant depressed state, then you should advise that they speak to a professional.

At Armchair Psychology we specialise in grief counselling. Our Clinical Director, Amanda Gordon, has an innate ability to translate psychological wisdom into practical life skills. Highly relatable, Amanda is experienced in helping people deal with the full range of life crises, including managing relationships, coping with grief and loss, dealing with stress and managing change. She works with individuals, couples and families, helping them enrich their lifestyle and their effectiveness in the world.

To get in touch, give our practice a call on (02) 9362 3490 or book an appointment online

The post 6 tips on how to help someone who is grieving appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/6-tips-on-how-to-help-someone-who-is-grieving/

Losing a loved one is never easy. The shock and grief that follow news of a death, whether it’s expected or comes out of the blue, can propel us into an emotional tailspin. What happens to our minds and bodies when we learn of the death of someone dear to us? How can we best manage the additional load that can occur after a loved one’s passing – and how can that loved one minimise the load they leave? And when it comes to managing the estate, where can they – both will makers and beneficiaries – turn to for help? Amanda Gordon gives her insights.

Read the article here.

For more information about our grief services, click here.

The post Psychology of Loss appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/psychology-of-loss/

We are all aware that social media has an impact on mental health, particularly when it comes to body image. We see the perfect looking bodies, unblemished faces with impossible looking features filling our social media news feeds. But when you’re a teenager, seeing these images along with a developing brain that has a heightened drive for peer approval, is a dangerous combination. There’s a lot that can be triggered by the unrealistic beauty standards that we often see on social media.   

However, the relationship between social media and body image is quite complex and is often viewed through a simplistic lens. Research so far has only shown correlational links, one of these being social media and body image concerns.* If you have a teenager yourself though, you may see some damaging, self-degrading or obsessive behaviours or thoughts being expressed in terms of their self-esteem around their body image. 

Negative Impact on Mental Health & Wellbeing 

For adolescents and young adults, social media can have an impact on body image and perception of beauty; but most importantly it can be used as a contributor to behaviours such as eating disorders and anxiety related conditions.  

Despite an overhaul of the industry, and increased inclusivity, education and awareness on this topic, there has been no statistical decrease in the prevalence of body dissatisfaction, body dysmorphia and eating disorders.  

Access & Availability 

Something that is rapidly shifting is the access and availability of media consumption by adolescents who are now able to use a wide range of social media platforms. We’re talking about Tiktok, Instagram, Snapchat and more. There is also a change in the audience, as everything that is posted online can be viewed by a range of peers and strangers alike. This increasing pressure to appear a certain way on social media for an audience may be a contributing factor in conjunction with the deep-seated need for peer approval.  

Positive Impact on Mental Health & Wellbeing  

A separate study suggests that it is in fact the way social media is consumed that has the biggest impact on mental health & wellness, as opposed to frequency and duration of use. As long as social media is consumed mindfully it can actually be beneficial and strengthen our social networks, which has positive mental health implications. There are many social media accounts that provide positive affirmations, inspirational quotes and advice on a range of adolescent topics that teens can be directed to, in order to help maintain perspective and a realistic view on body image. 

Tips for Managing an Adolescent’s Relationship with Social Media  

Setting a good example, and talking with your teen is the best way to introduce limits on how and when they use their devices.  

1. Model the behaviour you expect to see in your kids when it comes to screen time and social media consumption. Also being aware of how to relate to your own body and physical appearance can have an impact on the behaviours that develop in children. 
2. Ask them how social media makes them feel and whether or not it causes feelings of stress and/or anxiety.  
3. Ensure that your kids have a solid understanding of how to stay safe online and the risks associated with sexting, talking with strangers and posting X-rated photos or videos. 
4. Teach them the 3 W’s. Who is the audience, What message are you trying to send and Why? 
5. Educate yourself on the various applications that are used by your teens such as Tiktok, Snapchat and Instagram. Having a good understanding means you will be able to have an open discussion if the need arises without being out of your depth.  
6. Speak to other parents about how they manage social media use.  

Angela Skovron specialises in Adolescent Therapy and can offer some practical, tried and tested techniques in helping you navigate social media with your teen. If you’d like to speak with her, please get in touch today. 

* Social media use can be positive for mental health and well-being | News | Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health 

The post Social Media’s Impact on Body Image in Adolescents appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/social-medias-impact-on-body-image-in-adolescents/

Clinical Psychologist, Prof Amanda Gordon, looks how parents can support this milestone.

School is the most important social network for children there is.  As children move from infants to primary to high school, the importance of their friendships increases, almost proportionally to their independence.  Children need the friendship of peers to develop their own sense of identity.  The stronger their sense of self, through healthy attachment to their parents and extended family and identification with their values, the healthier their interaction with their peers – other children like them, of their age, from whom they will learn other world views and brush against other value systems. Thus, changing schools is a big deal.  Meeting new kids, leaving behind the familiar ones.

Moving from primary school to high school is the biggest developmental event in a young adolescent’s life.  Usually, it’s moving from being the biggest fish in the pond, to being a tiny minnow, surrounded by an enormous, unidentifiable mass of fish. Within the new pond, there will be some familiar faces – perhaps others from the same primary school, older siblings, neighbours or family friends – but in the first weeks it is common for kids to feel rather disoriented.

For those moving from sixth class to high school locally or within their network, the schools tend to have processes in place to match and support kids, and teachers will be on the lookout to ensure kids connect healthily with each other.

This move is different from the one your child made into primary school, which needed a lot of facilitation by you, ensuring playdates, standing at the school gate to wave goodbye, creating opportunities for your child to socialise, even through the friendships you made.  By high school, your child will mostly want to be in charge of their own selection of whom they mix with and where they get together.  Their goal will be separateness from you in the company of their peers, rather than safety with you as they get to know new people.

Your task will be to support your nearly adolescent in their pushes towards independence, so that their behaviours are risky only in their own minds and not in reality.  Now is the time to encourage that they walk home or catch a bus or train, so that they can travel to a known destination (home or school) with their friends.  Your other task will be to impose proper boundaries, including curfews, visits only to homes where you have at least spoken to the parent, and proper restrictions on the use of phones and social media.  New friends do not necessitate immediate changes to the boundaries you have put sensibly in place, such as no phone in the bedroom, social media only under your direct scrutiny, limited screen time and apps, no hanging out in the mall.

The move into high school is both exciting and daunting, for the child and parents alike.  Remember, just as in primary school, communication with your child and between both parents, to ensure that there is nothing unsafe going on and that you are available to talk things through and assist in problem-solving, this is key to healthy resolution of this life challenge.

The post Transition from Primary to High School – Parents can be the key to this Life Challenge appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/transition-from-primary-to-high-school-parents-can-be-the-key-to-this-life-challenge/

Question:

I was interested to read your Work Therapy response to the question of what to do about happy, chatty office colleagues being distracting.

A family I know has a long-standing rule: silence for an hour after the early evening meal – or lunch on weekends and even at their holiday house when visitors are there. It’s time for people to read, go for a walk alone, do yoga or tai chi, or sleep or relax. Brilliant.

In the office, there could be a quiet hour when people can concentrate on reading, writing emails, thinking and creating etc… restricting non-essential chatter. Or there could be a designated quiet place (much like quiet carriages on trains). What do you think?

Answer:

Thanks for reading and for your thought-provoking suggestions.

I like the idea of a peaceful place. In fact, I worked in an office with a dedicated quiet room several years ago and people certainly used it. The problem was it was right near a fairly busy area of the building (and had a reasonably flimsy door), so it was quiet in name, but not always in nature.

The post How to maintain a quiet space in a chatty office appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/how-to-maintain-a-quiet-space-in-a-chatty-office/

Everyone knows that too much technology, without enough exercise or social engagement, is not in the best interests of the child.  Everyone knows that children can be bullied online – but sometimes we do not realise how unsafe our child may be. It seems that for most parents, there is an ongoing balancing act with technology, wanting their children to learn the skills and be part of the group, while knowing that there are risks that are being taken.

Read Amanda Gordon’s latest article on this tricky yet critical topic on CHILD Mag.

The post Parenting in the age of technology appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/parenting-in-the-age-of-technology/

The world as we know it has changed dramatically over a short period of time and many children, even the younger ones, will be picking up that something strange is going on. Perhaps they are now staying home when they used to be in day care, or they aren’t seeing their grandparents as routinely as they would – or perhaps the school term has finished earlier and they aren’t spending time going to the parks and playgrounds, the zoo and museums.

They’ll want an explanation!

Tips to best support and manage their concerns –

– Be aware of our own behaviour – Children pick up on our anxiety, so if we are feeling anxious or stressed about what’s going on, our children will pick up on this and they’ll become anxious. The problem is that, for children, it’s even more difficult as often they won’t actually understand what they are anxious about. If we are having conversations around the dinner table, talking to our partners about the news or latest updates – children will be hearing phrases and words that may cause them to feel anxious.

It’s important to be aware of our behaviour and what we are saying and feeling around our children. When they ask for clarification, have a clear message that you and those others who are caring for them are agreement on, and use age-appropriate language to explain. Suggest to the grandparents and extended family that, when they get online and converse with the kids, they keep to the same message.

– Reassurance – it’s important to be giving children more hugs and cuddles at the moment. Let them know that (if it’s true) everyone in the family is safe and this is why we are distancing ourselves and staying home. If someone in your circle does get ill, reassure your child that everything is being done to help them get better and that sending hugs and kisses through the air is appropriate right now.

– Help them with things they can control – while there is a lot of uncertainty, children will respond to guidance and behaviours that they can control ie: show them and remind them about washing their hands and being physically distant from others, set up a reasonable schedule in their day that will make them feel comfortable.

Children respond very well to a schedule, they need to know when it is a school day and when it is weekend or school holiday time, so their days should reflect that. For instance, on a school day, they should get up at a reasonable time, get dressed (ideally in their school uniform but otherwise in suitable clothes) and have breakfast, prior to attempting their schoolwork.

Have set break times and perhaps allow them to facetime a friend at lunchtime.Then allow it again only after the day’s work has been completed. On weekends, allow much greater flexibility, just as you would if life was “the old normal”.

– Let them connect with family and friends – Most of us have the internet and devices to use, so that children can easily connect with family and friends. Remember, we have to physically distance ourselves but the goal is to enhance our social connections by working hard at them.

If the grandparents can use zoom or facetime, even better. Otherwise, the phone is still a great device. Set up playdates for your younger children and they can stay in touch with their friends. The little ones can dance together, sing together, listen to a story together. Slightly older ones will contrive games. And those in upper primary years and high school are probably already used to chatting.

Some kids prefer to play online games together – you are probably going to be allowing more screen time than usual, but do ensure you continue to monitor how the screens are being used.

Our Kids will cope as long as they realise that we are coping

It’s important to practice self- care, so that we can stay on top of our emotions and stress levels – regular exercise, eating well and getting a good night’s sleep are paramount.

I cannot stress enough the importance of caring for your own well-being by having some time on your own, and working on your relationship by creating quality time amongst the madness that is life for most of us right now.

Clinical Psychologist, Amanda Gordon is available for both face to face and phone consultations if you would like further tips on managing anxiety in children during these difficult times.

The post Talking to children to manage their anxiety during difficult times appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/children-and-anxiety-during-these-difficult-times/

“Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic” – Dumbledore

Covid-19 News Headlines

“65 million people could be killed by the novel coronavirus”

“We are living in a nightmare”

“Two-thirds of the planet could become infected by coronavirus”

“We will run out of ICU beds by May”

The way we are talking about Covid-19 is adding fuel to a fire that needs to be contained rather than powered. We are using words and phrases that connote worse-case scenarios and fueling the idea of a catastrophe. Words such as ‘nightmare’ and ‘overwhelming’ indicate danger and threat while negative predictions about the potential consequences of the virus induce panic. The result is an unnecessary layer of anxiety added on to an already un-nerving situation.

Change has become a reality to everyday life. People are working from home, businesses have closed, travel and personal events have been delayed or cancelled, and some of us are not able to visit loved ones. It is important to recognize that these are very real stressors and the accompanying emotions such as sadness, anxiety and anger are valid and extremely normal.

What is unhelpful during times of stress, is to hear external messages that are laced with negative connotations and dire predictions about the future. The person who received news that they are no longer able to visit their Grandma doesn’t need to read a headline that “We will run out of ICU beds by May”. The business owner who has been forced to shut down doesn’t need to be told that “We are going into a recession that will be worse than the Great Depression”. These messages are inducing fear in people who are already feeling a great deal of sadness. If we take Dumbledore’s advice, this is dark magic at its best.

Instead, we need to attempt to shift our language. Let’s shy away from negative predictions about the future and instead talk about what is happening today. Let’s replace emotion provoking words such as ‘overwhelming’ ‘crazy’ and ‘unprecedented’ with more neutral expressions such as ‘change’ ‘concerns’ and ‘impact’. There are a lot of platforms doing damage with words. Let’s do some good with them as well.

Luke is a Psychologist with experience providing individual and group therapy for adults and older adolescents who present with a range of mental health difficulties Luke appreciates idiosyncrasies and strives to tailor interventions to the individual needs of each client to empower them to reach their goals.

Please reach out to one of our clinical psychologist’s if you feel that you need some support during this time.

Written by: Luke Brock, Psychologist, Armchair Psychology

The post Let’s Change Our Language Around Covid-19 appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/lets-change-our-language-around-covid-19/

The post COVID-19: How to protect your children’s mental health appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/covid-19-protect-your-childrens-mental-health/

For many of us, what we face as coronavirus continues to spread is unprecedented,and the associated anxiety surrounding the coronavirus pandemic is on the rise.

And it can cause fear and anxiety every which way we turn.

We’re facing social isolation and possibly working from home and employers put precautionary measures in place to slow the spread of COVID-19.

When you go to the shops, your met with fellow shoppers filling up their trolleys and panic buying supplies, a response made by many in an attempt to gain some sort of reassurance.

You’re having conversations with friends and family that no doubt have an impact on how we’re feeling and can further amplify our emotions during a time of uncertainty.

You then turn on the television and watch the news of the way coronavirus is impacting the globe or scroll through social media on your phone to read the online commentary and it can all begin to feel mentally overwhelming very quickly.

But there are practical steps we can take to manage our mental health and subsequent anxiety around the health crisis.

10 daily spoke to clinical psychologist Amanda Gordon to find out exactly what we can do:

Acknowledge how you feel and know you’re not alone

Sweet explained above all, it’s actually natural for some people to feel anxious and that it’s a healthy and expected response to something that is unknown.

“When people are uncertain of something they’ve not experienced, there is little point of reference for them to drawn upon, which can lead to individuals fearing the worse case scenario,” she said.

However stress and anxiety are subjective experiences — so what may feel stressful to one person, may seem minimal to another. In either case, acknowledging how you feel is important.

“Validation is key for when someone expresses their stressful experience or disclose that their stress levels have escalated. It’s in the best interest of the person encountering the stress they are believed, that they heard and that they are accepted,” Sweet said.

“Stress can cause overwhelm, flooding and in some cases, cause a few to catastrophise. Self efficacy is vital for when anyone feels stressed, it’s an indicator for them to be mindful, become self aware and seek support.”

Use the people around you to help gauge your feelings

In addition to acknowledging your own feelings, Gordon said it’s important to talk to others to evaluate what’s reasonable and what’s not about your thoughts too.

“I got some very strange, anxious messages from friends today and I was able to say to them: ‘Look, I’m in the workplace right now, and that’s not the story’ or ‘I’m listening to the news right now, and that’s not the story’,” she said.

“Ensure that you listen to the authorities and don’t listen to random posts or read random posts from people and just accept anything because it’s not all true.”

Fill your time with meaningful activities instead of thoughts

According to Sweet, grounding and mindfulness exercises can be wonderful tools for anyone feeling nervous or scared within this present climate.

“Some great strategies in helping us remain calm are listening to a podcasts, reading and spending quality time with friends, family or anyone who is uplifting and a value add,” she said.

“Children are also enriching to be around and can in-fact help enhance adults lives, being a welcome distraction.”

Gordon agreed, explaining that distraction techniques are good ways to help you deal with the stress you might be feeling.

“Meditate and do breathing exercises as well as physical exercise, do things that control anxiety. Share with a friend if you’re feeling anxious,” she said.

Switch off when you’re feeling overwhelmed

It’s important to strike a balance between staying informed about what’s happening but also switching off when necessary.

“Research shows limiting our exposure to stressful images and information overload can reduce us becoming vicariously traumatised,” Sweet said.

Minimise media exposure and only read or watch evidence based information. I also suggest allocating a specific time within their day to which they view the factual information and for a structured period of time.

Sweet said this puts a boundary in place which will aid in feeling safe and secure, as well as dissipating anxiety and minimise catrophising.

“Turn off some of your social media feed. You only need to check out what the rules are once a day or maximum twice a day,” Gordon added.

“That’s as often as you need to hear the health minister talk over and over again about what’s going on.”

Engage with things that are good for you

Gordon said while you might not be able to have as much physical contact with people, social connection is still important in making us feel better.

“Alright you can’t shake anyone’s hand or give anyone a hug, but you can certainly smile. Smiles can go a long way. You can laugh, that’s not forbidden,” she said.

“You can watch something that’s funny, something you’ve wanted to watch for a long time. You can read a good book and talk about it with a friend, start a virtual book club.”

Turning technology into a positive rather than a negative is also a valuable step towards dealing with your mental health, according to Gordon.

“You can even play Bridge online if you need to, there are all sorts of things you can do using technology as your friend instead of your enemy,” she said.

“Technology can be your enemy at this time because you can start scrolling through and panicking and panicking and panicking or you can use it to engage with people in a really healthy way.”

If you feel that the coronavirus pandemic is affecting your mental space and exacerbating your anxiety, please reach out to one of our clinical psychologists. We have arranged for alternatives to face-to-face consultations for those that are hesitant to travel to our clinic.

The post How To Stay Calm And Manage Your Anxiety During The Coronavirus Pandemic appeared first on Armchair Psychology.

source https://armchairpsychology.com.au/managing-your-anxiety-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic/